Yesterday’s post, Gaining Independence, extends to the theme today. We’re discussing the concept of jail time. Now, don’t get me wrong: I’m not only talking about physical imprisonment, but the feeling of being trapped in your own head.
I’m sure you’ve experienced a feeling of circular thoughts, or being stuck on one situation/outcome. I know times when I’ve been obsessed and over thinking. Or I’ve encountered other people who want to steal my energy, which has led to an unhealthy focus on things that no longer matter.
In any case, when our minds are cluttered, we feel stuck. I’ve written about feeling stuck before. We ruminate on worry and feeling concerned, two feelings that don’t really get us unstuck.
I notice among my clients and myself that the worst type of jail time is wondering and worrying about our significant relationships.
We worry about what he’s doing, who she’s with, what’s wrong with me?
Lack of trust hurts our hearts, makes our heads spin, gives us stomach aches. Are we in the right relationships? The right relationship would not happen this way. He’d be perfect if… And we get stuck in the jail of our minds when things don’t go as planned or when there’s a minor change. We don’t have nearly as much control as want thought! Life never goes as planned, but we have deep-rooted attachments to outcomes. These new plot twists create a feeling of being shackled or restrained.
We also worry about big projects and don’t know how or where to start. We get so caught up in the what ifs that we don’t often begin the work. Then, we beat ourselves up over our delinquency and get into analysis paralysis.
Over thinking is a major killjoy.
We replay conversations, thinking that we should have spoken up, said something differently, or not opened our traps at all. So much self-criticism occurs in our minds that we go back to that ubiquitous jail cell.
The major antidote to the mind’s jail is to do the work. The conversation, though scary, is much better to have than to wonder about. We can rest assured when we know the truth and have answers rather than worrying or creating false scenarios.
I remember a time in my life when I was worried about someone cheating on me. I finally asked him, and he admitted to it. It was terrible to hear, but I already knew. With the real answers, I was able to let go of the jail in my mind, and moved on.
I highly recommend you do what it takes to get out of jail. Here’s your Get Out of Jail card. You have a choice to ruminate or you can do the real work and move past the worry. You can stay locked up or you can decide that the worry is not worth it. Instead, start that project you’ve been dreading. In all the worry, you could be halfway done by now.
Need help getting started? Please visit my website at Coaching By Nina Rubin.
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