As the A To Z Challenge ends, I’m asking the question today “What’s it worth?”
I read a tweet the other day that said “If you find a girl who is willing to go through hell just to keep the relationship going, you really shouldn’t take her love for granted.”
On first pass, I agreed. Then, thirty seconds later, I had a big reaction to this statement and realized just how ridiculous it is. Why? Love should not be hell. Friendships, employee/employer relationships, and sibling relationships don’t need to be that difficult, either.
I’ve had personal experience going through hell to maintain a relationship, and it’s something that didn’t seem worth it or serve me. In retrospect, I should have walked away much sooner. When I learned that my ex-boyfriend cheated, I wish I would have left the relationship and not have given him a second (or third or fourth) chance. I roll my eyes, giving myself a million pep talks and reminding myself that I learned and I had to go through that to get here.
For me, this statement isn’t about being taken for granted by someone else. It’s about knowing and valuing your worth enough to realize that this is hell. I don’t want you to take yourself for granted or place yourself in a hellish situation. All of us have our own iterations of hell. For some people, it’s dating and kissing lots of frogs. For other people, hell is working a 9-5 job. Some people have a personal hell with their weight and body image. Hell may be worrying that you’re going to be left out or you worry that you’ll be alone for the rest of your life. There is another category of hell when it comes to addiction and moving through it to get to the other side.
Whatever your demon or hell may be, ask yourself, are you really in it now? Was it worth it to get here? Would you trade it if you could not have ended up here, now, today? I can’t say if something’s been worth it for you; I can only comment on my own experiences. Right now, in my current place, I feel that everything has been worth it to get here. But, if you’d have asked me six months ago, I would never have agreed with this sentiment. I might have been regretful or self-reflective and might have repeated patterns that didn’t always serve me.
What’s it worth?
What’s love, dieting, friendship, sex, your morals, or this schedule at work worth? Is love causing you too much pain? Are you trying to lose so much weight that eating has stopped being fun? Are your some of your friendships so painful that it might be better to discontinue those relationships? Is sex with your partner causing your emotional confusion or pain? Can you not speak up about your values?
So how do you know when something is worth it?
How do you measure an experience? How do you amortize something that doesn’t have a financial cost? Some experiences are things we’ve paid a lot of money or time for and they haven’t lived up to our expectations. It can be highly disappointing to get through an experience only to realize it was painful or costly or dull. And, everything has a cost.
Time to decide what’s worth it and what’s not, and evaluate from there. For my readers who don’t know this, I’m a Life Coach. I work with clients who wonder how to weigh this type of question and I help them assess ways to make their lives better. Please visit my website at www.coachingbyninarubin.com.
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