“When things go wrong, don’t go with them.” -Elvis Presley
“Don’t be discouraged. It’s often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock.” -Author Unknown
You know those days. You wake up and everything seems to be going wrong. It’s not one particular thing. It’s everything.
It starts small, like not getting enough sleep. Then, you’re late to the gym and have to rush through your workout in order to shower and get to work on time. You arrive at work later than you’d planned and you have ridiculous meetings that prevent you from getting any actual work done. The day drags and, of course, you’re tired so that doesn’t make it any easier. After work, you’re supposed to have plans with a friend, but on your way (while stuck in traffic), she cancels. You decide to go home. You say to yourself, “Fuck it.” Your roommate left dishes in the sink and you have to do laundry. Can’t you just have a night off? Can anything go your way? You sink onto your bed and fall asleep with Netflix streaming.
It’s even worse when bad days turn into bad weeks. And when that bad week compounds into a few long months of strife, you wonder if there’s any way to get back on your feet. You start isolating yourself. Why would you want to hang out with your friends when you have nothing positive to contribute to the conversation? You hear some really awful news about old friends and it makes you incredibly sad. This upsets you and then you remember that your family is in shambles. All of this on top of your own relationship, which has been suffering lately. You and your boyfriend are not intimate and you wonder what’s going on. You look at life with dirty lenses and everything seems shitty.
Life is hard. Let’s be real about that.
So you become an escapist. You fantasize about marrying a millionaire who will take you jet-setting across Europe and solve all of your problems. You have fantasies that include being pampered and never working again. You fantasize about all things other people have and see your own situations as being less than, insignificant, or dull.
These fantasies take you away from junky situations and replace your life with something seemingly much better.
* * *
Have you had the experience of something nagging at you? There is a tugging feeling at your heart sleeves which just won’t go away. It’s times like these you want to say ‘Fuck It’ and give up. You wish you could throw in the towel, quit your job, stop doing the research for your Ph.D program, or slip out of your relationship. This feeling affects everything, disabling your concentration and view of yourself. You begin to feel insecure and your otherwise positive view of yourself shifts, becoming despondent or small.
Most people typically see themselves in the context of a community, whether that be in a social / friend group or family. So when there is a change or breach of that bond, you feel disoriented. And when you’re disoriented and disconnected from your circle, the feelings of withdrawal are exacerbated.
When shit hits the fan, that’s when the fantasies really play out. You think about the grass being greener in other pastures. Recalling happy memories, you wish to transport back in time. Or, maybe you wish to have something exciting or peaceful to look forward to. Everything seems out of reach.
* * *
There are days you want to give up, throw your hands in despair and say “Fuck It.” Those days, nothing seems to help and you get so overwhelmed by the desperate thoughts circumnavigating through your head. Sometimes you even give in and they fester.
When giving in, it means moping around the house, speaking in a quiet voice, using short words or grunts and a general lack of interest in your normally happy, interesting life. It usually lasts a few days, but most people might not know, as you’re pretty good at hiding it by now. You retreat inward, your mind turning over the same situation countless times. But then, you get tired of this.
Something shifts and you’re get sick of yourself. You feel annoyed with the negative and self-pitying thoughts. It’s similar to when you look around a messy room and decide to yourself “I can’t take it anymore,” then dedicate the afternoon to a deep clean. It’s time to sweep out the sticky cobwebs of your mind, straighten up the disorganized thoughts, throw away the dust particles of negative self-talk. The clean feeling is a relief, and helps you get your mind right again. But what happens to the worry, the insecurity? Does it go away?
Well suddenly, you’re able to say Fuck It again. This time, after cleaning up your mind, clearing out the junk, you say Fick It without attachment. Somehow, your mind shifts and you stop ruminating about what you don’t have control over. Now you shake your head and laugh it off with disbelief. Sometimes the things we worry about are out of our control and it doesn’t do much good to let the worries take over. Saying FUCK IT helps a lot.
I like Elvis’ quote above: “When things go wrong, don’t go with them.” In other words, do your best to stay sane. Resign yourself to saying Fuck It when it’s out of your control and you feel like you want to give up. Try not to give up… Instead, give yourself a few days to mope but then when you come out of it, keep moving forward. Life doesn’t stop. We need to push through…And there’s nothing wrong with fantasizing about that trip to Europe.
I’m a Life Coach. Please contact me at www.coachingbyninarubin.com for inquiries. Some other blog posts that you might like are Feeling Stuck? Do the Next Thing, Jail Time and The 5 Misconceptions of Low Expectations.