Stop lying to me.
Please, whatever you need to do, stop lying. I’m asking you to tell the truth. I’m asking you to have faith in me that I can handle whatever is real. You’re afraid I’ll cry. So what if I cry? They’re just tears. I may start and will soon stop. You want to protect me. Protect me by giving me the whole truth, not partial, omitted facts.
I can’t trust you at all when you lie to me.
Here’s the deal:
I spoke to an old acquaintance a few days ago. He invited me to travel to see him in another state, a place I like, but rarely make time to visit. This wasn’t the first time he’d initiated an invitation. I wasn’t sure if his offer was purely friendship or was mixed with sexual undertones. Knowing him, probably the latter. For a moment, I actually considered going. Why? Well, I haven’t had enough fun or adventure lately and felt a little bored from my temporary 9-5.
He offered to fly me to his city. When the stakes got bigger, I realized this was not purely PG-rated fun, but his mind was planning something else. Still, I vaguely considered it, though my interest waned substantially.
And then just moments later, he posted on Instagram a photo with his girlfriend taken that same day from her birthday. What? He shot me a quick text saying they had broken up, but got back together and he didn’t want me to be “blindsided.”
Well, blindsided is one way to look at it. Another way to describe the feeling is pure disheartening disgust. This is a person to whom I have mistakenly given the benefit of the doubt too many times. I’m done. He twists and turns everything to suit him. He is an excellent verbal manipulator and crafts sentences like Michelangelo chiseled David. After years, I realized I’m so sick of his lies that I can’t bear to listen to another one. I’m done.
So why have I put up with these lies after they’ve stacked so high? Well, doing some deep inner work, I didn’t want to disappoint him and get an earful of why I was wrong. I didn’t want to hear his sob story about how he’s not sure which way is up and he’s doing the best he can. I am tired of being the empathic friend, the coach who gives away my expertise and knowledge.
Lies have a way of eroding everything pure and special in a relationship. They spiral, they grow. I’m sure you’ve been lied to, too. Or, maybe you’ve been the one trying to protect someone by omitting certain details of a story so you look stronger or better. Stop it right now. Your loved ones will likely care about you through the flaws, but they won’t put up with the lies much longer. Do yourself a favor and decide to tell the truth. You’ll be better for it.