One of my friends recently told me about the new person she’s dating. Aside from his easy-going nature and the way he speaks so highly about her, I noticed how relaxed she is.
She described her new partner using words of admiration and kindness. She smiled, even giggled, something she doesn’t often do. I heard the happiness in her voice and observed her body movements soften. It was so awesome to see my responsible, generous friend in a budding relationship. She had been tentative to start dating again, especially during Covid.
During the Covid period, we feel even more suspicious, worrying about someone’s health before meeting in person, unsure whether to even meet in person, and asking when’s the right time to take off a mask.
We often start relationships and keep our eyes peeled for the red flags. We don’t want to be hoodwinked or misled, thereby staying hyper vigilant about small things that could be interpreted as red flags.
Sometimes, it’s even challenging to let our guards down enough to see a potential partner’s merits. We’ve been ghosted or hurt so many times that it’s almost impossible to believe that someone could actually be a stand-up person who keeps their word, is consistent, and truly wants to get to know us.
We’ve become conditioned to see all of the bad in people that we overlook how kind and thoughtful they are. We see someone’s history as their present — when maybe they were just with the wrong partner. We examine texts and our saboteurs meet theirs.
In other words, dating can be challenging… and then it can be amazing and wonderful, in the blink of an eye.
One of my clients has had really bad dating luck for a decade. All of his interactions produced major anxiety and either he or his dates lost interest quickly. He was close to giving up.
Recently, he replied to a facebook friend’s timely post about needing an over-the-counter item she could not locate at any stores. He happened to have extra and offered to deliver it. She was fortunate that someone else produced her item, but she invited him to a zoom room a few days later to discuss George Floyd. Having little else to do, he was the only participant with her sister. Lo and behold, their conversation lasted hours and they decided to meet virtually again the following week. Over the course of the next three months, they had rousing, honest conversations about racial injustice, inequality, and their unique experiences in the United States. He listened.
He started to feel differently about her, and she for him. All of their interactions were courteous and respectful. They didn’t venture into topics of sex or dating, but kept their discussions on-track. After three months,they finally decided to meet, and sparks flew! This is the first time in ages my client has experienced mutual attraction!. He feels seen, valued, and present. Hearing him recount this budding relationship was heart-warming and exciting!
Seeing him confidently approach this intelligent woman and express himself honestly is exactly what we’ve worked on. Their vulnerability is what led them to each other, and I hope they develop the type of relationship that suits both of them equally. They’re also keeping their eyes open to observe their merits, to feel each other’s hearts, to connect.
This is the beauty of love, and I’m so happy to see my friends and clients in the beginning stages. I’m proud of them for giving people a chance, and giving themselves the opportunity to love, be loved, and have fun. It gives me so much hope!