Sometimes I don’t know what to write about. I have over 50 half-written posts in a queue waiting to be reopened and considered. Some days I have a thousand words in my brain and other days, I don’t have more than a couple of sentences left because I’m talked and listened out. There are also posts in saved folder that wold extremely interesting for me to pursue, but they are ill-timed, too personal, or not detailed enough yet.
Today I’ll start with a writing meditation of how I’m feeling. I do this with my clients and it’s called a check-in. One of my clients commented on my breath when we start session. I take a deep inhale and a slow exhale. He remarked that it makes him relaxed and comfortable and he knows we’re getting somewhere good because I completely focus. After a few deep breaths, I feel clear and ready. In fact, I just took more breaths now.
It’s now August and I’m reflecting back on the last year. If I think about 2017, I’m perplexed by how quickly this year has passed. There have been times for me when time has crept slowly and in a melancholy way. Then, there are other moments that rushed by, and now we are in the dog days of summer (and I say this while looking at two adorable pups laying on the floor below my feet).
How does so much time pass? Where does it go? For some friends, they’ve grown a baby in their wombs and have recently given birth. For others, they’ve launched other babies: their start-up businesses. Some people have had divorces or break-ups recently, while many have moved to new homes. There are people I know who’ve been recovering from illness or surgery, giving their bodies rest to heal, even when it feels painful or super boring.
I’ve embarked on some changes myself that make me feel open and vulnerable. I’ve kept the transitions private, as they’re personal, but I can talk about the feelings. It’s amazing to make new decisions. To ACTUALLY MAKE DECISIONS is a beautiful thing, rather than waiting and ruminating on things that need to be decided. I’ve written about feeling stuck and decision-making before, and I stand by my view that it can be
tough impossible. I have a friend who comes across as impulsive, but she makes strong decisions quickly and doesn’t look back. I admire her resolve. I, on the other hand, have deliberated on a few situations only to realize that my gut instinct was right all along. My confidence hadn’t caught up to my brain.
I used to beat myself up over not deciding something faster or blame it on being a Libra. Well, that’s just silly. I’m on the outer cusp of Libra and Scorpio and after having my chart done a few times, realize I’m not much of a Libra anymore so I can stop excusing my behavior on the scales. Instead, I’ve decided to grow up and make wiser decisions faster. That being said, I examined the situations I have been in and realized the decisions were made at the best (and only) times they could be made: for me, that was when I had strategized and calculated some proposed outcomes and felt safe. There’s nothing wrong with safety or looking at historical experiences. I also consider the future and how things might turn out, thinking that my situation is likely to be different than it was back then, mostly because I’m different than I was back then. It’s all a process and it moves when it moves.
It’s relaxing to simply do a writing meditation on decision-making. I didn’t know where this was going today and it feels cathartic to let you in on my process. I do this with my clients, and can help guide you down an exploratory and decisive path.